A conversation with the inner child and a response of declaration of love and commitment to help her heal.
This is a writing from 2019 around continued efforts to help heal childhood trauma and integrate past wounded and fragmented parts of the self. Inner child work feels like a slow and gradual process like any other form of healing. There have been several years of this work practiced and it can be surprising more arises to be healed and addressed, sometimes this can be frustrating and questions of how much more could there be? How long is this going to take? Is all of this really necessary? When will all parts feel integrated? This is normal to feel this way. It can be helpful to breathe deeply in those moments and drop back into compassion for the self and for the rate it seems to take for healing and self-actualization/realization. Doing this work, helps one practice loving at deeper levels each time the work needs picked back up again. It is also often easiest to love a child part of ourselves and show them compassion and care than it can be to give this to our adult self. So, if you relate to this work, you can put your hand on your heart, breathe in deeply, and remind yourself you are worth this time and presence you give to the inner child or any part of the self that is feeling on the outside of the whole. Serenade the beauty of these parts and when finished with this sacred self- ceremony, place these parts within the safety of the heart until your time and attention is needed again by them.
Thank you all who are willing to do this work, what you heal for yourself you help heal for us all.
The inner child softly speaks, I want to know your capacity to love. I want to know my capacity to love and be loved. Can you love me in the light and in the dark? Can you love me through the smiles and the tears? Can you love me when I’m in the shedding of the ego? Can you love me when I am less than perfect and poised? Can you love me when I am not earning that love? Can you love me when I am not striving for greatness and success that helps hide the loneliness and unworthiness? Can you find the strength to be compassionate when I’m on the floor crying out that I can’t get up even when you can’t see anything holding me down? Can you love me when the world falls away from beneath my feet and my throat is restricted and the same songs of loving life can’t escape the collapsing windpipes? Can you love me when I can’t see why? Can you love me when I want to be silly, playful, and most authentic to that nature within without always second guessing if I am being too much or not enough? Can you let me be my most authentic self even if that means others will not like or accept me? Can you be by my side when I want to dance and shake in the beauty of life? Can you love me when I’m inspired to change my life? My choices? My interests? Can you love me when the fear portrays a monster that you never knew existed as a part of the whole? Can you love me even when I hide from your love out of fear it will break me by exposing too many vulnerabilities that may broadcast a false notion within of the fraud that lives inside that feels like the truth? I want to be loved. I want the pain to be loved. I don’t want to hide the fear and loneliness in the dark anymore. It’s cold and scary in there and nothing deserves that.
The adult self who waits for these unions with the inner child whispers to the little self-saying back to her… I will kiss the hand of the fear and guide it into the light for it needs love just as much as the playful happy sides. I will pick the lonely girl within off the floor and carry her to the light and shield her from it until her eyes adjust to the shock of something she never saw before. I will soothe the aches and pains with the grace and compassion of the light. I will love you if you let me. Please let me. I crave to love you so badly. I crave to kiss you. Embrace you. Hold you. Gently rub your belly, back, and head. I yearn to sing you songs of your beauty and essence and accept all of the parts that don’t feel worthy of acceptance. I want to laugh, cry, and dance with you. Please don’t hold back little one. The stomach and throat tighten, the heat of tears swells in the eyes, and the chest aches as love and affection is shown to this little self. It’s ok, I won’t judge the resistance and instead welcome it to be here for this healing. I’ll love you through it even if you have me wait on the other side of a locked door until you are ready to trust the adult self. I will wait and sing for you. I’ll be patient and I won’t break the door down to force the healing even when I hear your cries, screams, and the breaking of your heart. Instead, I’ll wait until you’re ready never forcing again beyond the threshold of what you want and need. Know this little one, I will be waiting patiently for when you are ready to connect, unify, and show me your scars but also your silliest sweetest parts.
…The door unlocks and slowly opens as she lets me in.
Comments